To be trustworthy, every week was method too quick. There’s simply an excessive amount of to speak about, an excessive amount of disgrace and confusion that must be cleared up, and method too many hyperlinks to physique picture and physique liberation to suit into such a brief period of time.
Most significantly although, our relationship to our our bodies are sometimes too deeply interwoven with our relationship to our sexualities. It’s why I went again to high school to get my medical sexology certification— as a result of I used to be working with shoppers on physique picture, and intercourse simply. stored. coming. up.
As such, I’ve determined to dive extra deeply into a few of the some ways through which sexuality and physique picture can intersect in the present day.
I’m gonna begin with myself, after which inform a couple of (nameless) consumer tales. Please keep in mind that these are simply examples, and that everybody’s story is totally distinctive and legitimate! The purpose of sharing particular tales is just to color the image of how complicated, layered, and fascinating this matter is, and the way vital it’s to unearth what’s *actually* occurring if you wish to heal and enhance your personalrelationship to your physique & look.
As I healed my relationship with my physique, I needed to heal my relationship with intercourse, and males, and my trauma, and myself.
As I healed my relationship with my boobs I needed to acknowledge that the purpose of my physique wasn’t to be what males needed. As I healed my relationship to my thighs I needed to acknowledge that I didn’t owe my physique to anybody, and that I truly had full company over it. As I healed my relationship to my stomach I needed to overcome the sensation that softness and femininity have been weaknesses and vulnerabilities for which I’d be punished or exploited.
Likewise, as I healed my physique picture I additionally needed to cease having the sort of intercourse I had felt was required of me: performative cisheternormative intercourse that centered round a person’s want, pleasure, and climax.
I needed to reclaim intercourse for me: pleasure for me, arousal for me, my physique for me. I needed to get to know myself, slowly, gently, and with out objectification or spectatoring.
All of this needed to occur collectively. There was no therapeutic physique picture with out intercourse, or therapeutic intercourse with physique picture, as a result of each of these items have been centered in my physique. Each of these items have been about management, security, ache, concern, belief, give up, and vulnerability.
Now let’s transfer on to a couple consumer tales.
One consumer of mine had saved herself for marriage, and acquired married on the age of 36. She was head over heels in love along with her associate and anticipated the intercourse to be wonderful however then on their wedding ceremony night time they tried, and couldn’t get it to work. He ultimately misplaced his erection, they each felt embarrassed, and went to sleep. She got here to me for teaching months later, when intercourse had change into a devastating poison to their relationship, commonly resulting in rejection, disappointment, fights, disgrace, and loneliness.
She discovered herself obsessing over her physique within the mirror, compulsively checking sure spots, falling into hysterical matches of jealousy, paranoia, and self-loathing at any time when she noticed a skinny or enticing girl, and googling cosmetic surgery.
She got here to me as a result of she hated her physique and couldn’t cease excited about how ugly and fats she was. It took months earlier than she began opening up about what was occurring within the bed room, and we might begin to unpack the layers of frustration, disappointment, grief, disgrace, guilt, and unmet wants for intimacy that have been arising there. However the sticky stuff round intercourse is what led to her physique picture meltdown, and it wanted to be tended to, explored, healed, and improved instantly for physique neutrality to be an choice once more.
Throughout our first name collectively she described the considered being penetrated by her associate in that method “fucking terrifying,” associating it with softness, weak spot, and vulnerability, and likewise worrying that her associate would respect her much less.
This was particularly fascinating as a result of she noticed the act of penetrating and pleasuring her associate as a present, an honor, an act of worship, and a profound accountability.
There was a lot to unpack.
All through our work collectively, we checked out gender roles, efficiency, and expression. We broke down what a girl’s sexuality can seem like, really feel like, and embrace, and explored gender id, pronouns, transmasculinity, the disgrace of “failing” at a gender expectation that by no means fit your needs to start with, and the grief of constantly not being seen for who you’re. All of this was the work of physique neutrality.
All of those shoppers needed to untangle and heal their relationship to sexuality together with their relationship to meals, with the intention to heal their relationships to their our bodies.
I might go on and on. I’ve so many extra tales like this, of shoppers peeling again the curtain on physique picture and realizing we wanted to speak about their relationship to intercourse and sexuality.
No matter it’s we take care of that shit instantly—we convey it out of the shadows, unpack it, dismantle it, heal it, and create area for acceptance and pleasure round it.
The work I assist my shoppers requires them to point out up with monumental braveness, curiosity, honesty, vulnerability, and belief. I want it was so simple as telling them they’re lovely simply the way in which they’re, however (as you in all probability already know) that doesn’t accomplish something.
Sending you a lot love as you peel again the curtains for your self.
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